One of my books

So I have basically been wanting to write my whole life. I mean I have had book ideas spinning through my head since adolescence; however, I lack discipline. How else did I manage to gain 35 pounds in almost 4 years of marriage? I'll tell you-no discipline.

So one of my themes that I was thinking the other day has been done time and time again. They say your first book is somewhat autobiographical seeing as how we all "write what we know." I have always wanted to write about a girl who is incredibly average (a lot like me) who eventually figures out that she is un-average and truly extraordinary. So I was going to start this book and then I was like fuck! I haven't exactly figured that out yet.

So the question is how do you write about something you don't even know; that you are not even sure exists? I am sure that Husband knows what makes me special maybe even my Mother but how the hell am I supposed to know unless someone tells me? I mean is this supposed to be something that I just know? Do I get to figure out while I am still young enough to do something about it? I am not fishing for compliments here I seriously don't know. I think I may have to write my book on Sisters instead. My Sister, my only sibling, now she is where it's at. She has more personality in her pinkie finger than some people ever hope to have. Now I think I give her a run for her money but nevertheless she seems to embody it more. It must be more of the oldest child curse. You know, you oldest siblings, what I am talking about. WE GET SCREWED!!

So maybe someday I will write my book. The problem is that the truth always hurts a little bit. Even if you write something of pure fiction those around you will read it and see the things about themselves that they are afraid of in your characters flaws. How do you assure them that it isn't them? Especially if it partially is? Those around us inspire us and we couldn't do it without them right?