Rachel Moment

Sunday at home I had a “Rachel” moment. All of a sudden it popped in my head that my What to Expect book is great and everything but I haven’t read anything about what to do when the baby is born! So I was like hmm maybe I should get What to Expect the First Year. So while I was at target yesterday I pick up the book. And boy and I am glad I did. Not only is it 800 pages long but I bet about 1/3 of it should be read before the baby is born. It covers all sort of awesome stuff like the pros and cons of breastfeeding, how to be a supportive coach, and advice to help you make some big decisions about sleeping arrangements and working and stuff. As I read through the table of contents I was like crap if I would have waiting some of this would be too little too late you know.

So you soon to be Mom’s out there in blogland. You may want to get some sort of baby reference material sooner rather than later.

Then this morning at work I start thinking about her going off to college; which I really hope she does…now. I mean 18 years from now I may be begging her to stay home you never know but hopefully logic will win out and I will be encouraging her to follow her education wherever it takes her even if that is 3000 miles away. Having said that my next thought was oh no what if she does something stupid like walks in a dark parking lot by herself. I mean I can be forgetful too; am I going to remember to teach her all of this stuff? There is so much I will need to teach her like how to deal with having her heartbroken, how to drive, how to be a good friend, how to be consistent and dependable, how to give back, how NOT to get in a fight, and how to suppress yelling at crappy ass drivers of course. Her Dad has a hard time with this so this will be an actual challenge people. So yes my baby girl who is twisting and turning in my belly (who I think may be a swimmer) please be careful and don’t go away to college and be given your Mama a heart attack. Oh and get good grades cause I’ll drag you home if you don’t. Oh and make friends, play nice, and be the best you can be.

Pissy Dust

Recently I spent an evening with some people that and one of our elderly grandmothers was there. It was the weirdest thing she was just really critical of everything that anyone said. If this was normal behavior for this G-ma then I wouldn’t have noticed but she is one of the sweetest old ladies I know. So anyway the next day as I am describing the evening to E at work I comment that she seemed to be all about spreading her Pissy Dust on everyone. So yes I coined a new term.

There have also been several instances in the past year where someone around me (often Husband) said something ridiculously hilarious that needs to be immortalized somehow. I need some sort of repository for awesome quotes. I had a book somewhere but it seems somehow okie to store my quotes about itchy asses, hammers, mental agility, and pissy dust next to quotes from Eleanor Roosevelt and Oliver Wendell Holmes.
So if you have any ideas…

Baby Had Her Hate On

I think I have mentioned before that I read and read and read. I am especially reading a lot right now as I am on my finale tour of uncomplicated reading time before the baby is born. My Mom recently lent me the first book in a series called 1rst to Die by James Patterson. If you have read him before his books are usually easy reads and I don’t know what his deal is but he is able to come up with some pretty psychotic villains.

Anyhow last night I was propped up reading the book on the couch by a lamp while Husband watched his favorite show Heroes. I was really comfortable and for the first time had the book propped up on my stomach. The baby had been moving a lot since I started reading. I am beginning to wonder if I was too into the book and my blood pressured was raised; but anyway I digress. Out of nowhere baby girl kicked the spine of the book so hard it popped up in the air and I almost dropped it! It was so freaking cool.

So I am not sure if she doesn’t like murder mysteries, dislikes James Patterson, or just wanted some sleep. Either way she made her Mommy very happy.

Oh Dear

Seeing as how we are about to have a baby and well eventually that child will remember every thing that we say and throw it in our face, at the most inopportune time of course, the Husband and I have recently had several conversations discussing how we need to start WATCHING OUR MOUTHS.

I mean I would be lying if I didn’t preface this with the fact that the old Chewy Quaker Oat granola bar commercial is my favorite of all time. You know the one with all the children that say terribly embarrassing thing at the worst time and at the end the voiceover says something like “when your kid needs something in its mouth…” These lovely children embarrassed their parents by repeating things like, “My Mom said she thought you’d never show your face in this town again,” and “My Sister dresses like a fluzy!”

So two things happened recently to really bring this home for me.

The Husband and I were discussing how he really needed to cute back on the racial comments. I mean don’t get me wrong he is not racist or anything like that but he doesn’t always avoid a stereotyped comment. I have expressed with absolute clarity that our kids will not be learning that crap from us so he needs to knock it off. As we are watching TV one night and talking about this very thing, because of a comment naturally, we are also looking through his baby book his Mom made. In the section of firsts it is listed that his first word was Mama, second was Dada and the third was of course….cracker. We promptly dissolved into fits of laughter. We are both sure that he was clearly referring to an actual cracker but still…awesome timing.

The second was last night. A really good friend from DC is in town to visit. She came to dinner last night along with the other spoke of our wheel my http://singininthekitchen.blogspot.com/ dear friend. We have a nice time eating dinner, rocking Jeopardy, and playing with Singing’s new baby. We even talk about this exact thing. Any-who as we walk them out I say something like, “Man it is fricking cold out here or Man I have to fricking pee! (Can’t remember which) I promptly followed that up with a proud, “See babe I am trying I didn’t say the F-word!” Not two seconds later as we round the corner of our car to see them off I exclaim, “holy shit you guys that is a huge fricking dog!” The result is that we are all doubled over laughing, I feel like a complete idiot and a bad example for my child, Singing is asking if she can blog about this today, I get a head pat from Husband like “oh wow what will I do with you,” and yes I think my 22 week pregnant body may have peed just the tiniest bit from laughter.

Good times for sure.